pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize