Just cropdusted the office
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
