so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
