I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my liver is dry heaving
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
