Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I FOUND THE LEGS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
