I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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