he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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