Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
