Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
