Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
