I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
