im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
