D3 body, D1 cock
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
