I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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