I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm both gender and math confused
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
