i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
