I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
