it's not cheating when I paid for it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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