It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
