his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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