I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
