well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Vodka?
Forever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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