Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
