i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
His nipple licking is glorious
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
