I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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