This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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