Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
