you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
