he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
