Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
