: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
