dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
