My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
