I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
