He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
