I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
