Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
