So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
