Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
