On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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