I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize