We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
