i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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