3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize