Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize