Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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