I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize