i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
