what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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