well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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