just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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