Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
