Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
