If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
