I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
