I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
