Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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