He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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