"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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