I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
