are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
