Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Me too!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
