You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
