Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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