I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
