i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize