i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
