onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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