my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
