I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize