He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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