I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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