Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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