this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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