drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
