I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
