I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
