I'm gonna have a badass scar
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
