dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
