Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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