fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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