Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
