it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize