OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
