Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pooping to opera.
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